Does that include a 401k?

  1. Eugene Mirman Bouncer Audition Wait! Quick question: did you ever see the movie “The Last Starfighter?” Do you think that could really happen?
  2. Fuck You Dad Yes, Lulu Mease is very pretty. But she’s also very funny so try not to hold that against her, ok?
  3. Bull Semen: The Latest Hair Miracle Do the Farrelly brothers know about this yet?
  4. The Truth About Cocaine Vaginas Is it wrong that this makes me love Richard Pryor that much more than I already do?
  5. Chat Roulette Should you feel bad about naked lonely men with their pants around their ankles? Hell no! Stop being so emo and have a sense of humor for once.
  6. Kim Kardashian Naked Ok, not really. I just pulled a Leo Koenig back there just now. As in “If you put “cute kitten” in the title of your YouTube video, you’re gonna get a million hits. And then I link that to my website and you can see my stand-up on my website. It’s genius.” (“Funny People” reference) Anyhoo, I just wanted to point out for the record that I beat Kardashian and Simpson to the punch on this one. I took the radical step at, get this, birth where I only allowed myself to be photographed naturally. No make up, no plastic surgery, no Photo Shop. Granted, Photo Shop hadn’t been invented in 1979. But still, it’s the principal of the thing that counts. My heart was in the right place, I’m just saying is all.
  7. Lululette photo album Second Lulu Mease link in one post. What can I say, I’m a huge fan!
  8. Ask Elizabeth Dear Elizabeth, I was approached by a reputable casting agency about auditioning for the lead in a reimagianing/reboot/remake/sequel/ whatever of “Show Girls.” No, not Marc Volander. He’s a hack. Kevin Smith is attached to direct. My point is, do you think this will help or hurt my career?
  9. Last but not least, I wanted to address the alarming trend as of late concerning Generation Y/Millenials/Net Generation/Post 9/11 Kids/whatever the hell you feel like calling yourselves right now. Specifically people younger than myself (I’m 31 now, thank you very much) who claim that the “Friends With Benefits” concept was invented by Alanis Morissette and “Boston Legal.” No, it wasn’t. Shut up. Does the phrase “free love” mean anything to you? Apparently not. Hooking up with a casual encounter on Craigslist is no more revolutionary than party line phones and love ins. I’m right, you’re wrong. I’m smart and you’re stupid. Case closed, Encyclopedia Brown!

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